With Mother's Day around the corner, I am forced to reflect on both of my experiences with motherhood; being a daughter and a mom. I definately never understood my mother more than I did after having my daughter. I never understood why she said and did the things she did. Now I know it was and is because she loves me.
I realize now how much stress she really went through. The stress of watching out for me. Hoping I don't get into trouble or get hurt. Knowing that some of that she could not prevent and praying that she could at least be there to help kiss my boo boos. Stressing over my education and wanting the very best for me. Knowing that she might not be able to give me everything I want and how it tortured her to tell me "no" sometimes. When I moved away and out of her immediate reach I can only imagine how much that scared her. Being the daughter I couldn't understand why she wanted me close to home. Being a mother, I get it.
Just like I tortured my mother sometimes, I can see my daughter doing the same thing. A specific instance this afternoon actually reminds me of how as a daughter the perspective is different. My daughter requires drops in her eyes to help her body fight off the conjunctivitis (aka pink eye) that is very persistant in her eyes. At 8 months old she doesn't understand nor can I communicate to her the importance of these drops. 4 times a day I battle with her to get these drops in her eye. Her perspective is that I am doing something unpleasant to her and she pushes me away as much as she can when she sees that little bottle. As her mother I know the importance of what is going on and the necessity of this unpleasant experience. I know she needs these drops to help clear up her eyes and prevent more infection. I know that I am doing this because I love her and want her to get better. Being a mom, I now get it.
How many times did I go through something unpleasant because it was what was necessary and because mom loved me and wanted me to get better? I'm finding that moms are often one of our best examples of God's love. The love is unconditional and bears many many things. Sometimes we must go through unpleasant experiences not fully understanding why. But mom and God love us enough to help us do what is necessary, even though it is unpleasant.
At the end of the day I never remember all the little battles with my little one. I only remember the smiles, giggles, and laughter. How she looks as she is sleeping and the excited look she gets when she has found something interesting (cat, shoe, block, my phone, anything!). Watching her learn and grow literally before my eyes is one of the best experiences of my life. Being a mom, I now get it.
Thanks mom for everything. Thanks for being the awesome person you are and setting the bar high. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you and your endless patience, love, and perserverance. Love you mom!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Henry and Peter
As the early morning light peeked through the heavy drapes on the windows, Henry slowly left his dreams of happiness and roused himself to start the day. Today he was going to make those dreams come true. Today he was going to win the fair heart of his love and finally be happy with her by his side. Nothing could burst his bubble of confidence. He had practiced hard with the weapons master over the past few days and knew he was prepared for this.
Springing out of bed, Henry rings for his manservant. Winston appears in the doorway, "What can I do for you sir?"
"Where is Christophe?"
"I believe you fired him last week sir." Winston replies.
"Why hasn't there been a replacement hired?" Henry asks disdainfully. "I NEED a manservant immediately!"
"I would be delighted to attend to your needs, my lord." Winston replies hopefully. "Anything to help you sir."
Warily, Henry directs Winston to help him get dressed for breakfast. He has always had suspicions concerning the man and his strange ways, but his mother likes him. Therefore he remains mute on the subject of Winston's extra curricular activities. Far be it for him to judge. Besides today is about Diane and his fight for her. No sense sullying the start with adverse thoughts around an old man's eccentricities.
Dismissing Winston, Henry takes one more look at himself in the mirror and smiles. Today was going to be a day to remember!
In another place, Burwick to be exact, another person is also found still abed. However, Peter is not, and rarely is, alone in this bed. Arm lazily thrown over the dark-haired serving girl he bedded last night, Peter is still deeply asleep.
Simeon appears outside the bedroom door an hour before midday to waken the lord of the house. Knocking to announce himself, Simeon slowly enters the rather dark room. He shoos Bridgette, the serving girl from downstairs, out the door and prepares to wake his lord.
Clearing his throat, "My lord..." Simeon says softly.
Peter wakes with a start and glares at Simeon. Shaking himself like a dog, he growls, "What time is it?"
"Almost midday, sir" Simeon softly replies. "I do apologize for waking you, but remember you have Henry of Westchesterfieldville to answer today."
"Oh, yes." Peter runs a rough hand through his hair, "If only I could forget about this silly mess. It's not like the girl is worth this much fuss."
"I would council against ignoring Henry though my lord, if it is not too bold of me to say so."
"Yea, I know. I can not afford to look weak or afraid. Especially against a jellyfish like Henry," Peter sighs. "That would only create a stir amongst my supporters, and I can not have them thinking I am weak."
Swinging his feet from under the furs and onto the floor, Peter sighs again. Better to get this done and over with rather than sit and dwell on it.
Striding across the room, Peter grabs the breeches and tunic he'll wear under his armor. "Lets be done with this, Simeon."
Riding across the bridge and towards Burwick once more, Henry can not calm the butterflies in his stomach. He has waited a long time to best Peter, and knows that today is the day it will happen! Soup was just as excited as the horse pranced into the courtyard. Rocket was actually Henry's charger, but he preferred Soup for almost everything but warfare. Rocket was already at Burwick, rested and ready to go. Hopefully he had received a better breakfast than Henry. Cold porridge was not his idea of an ideal way to start the day. However, Henry refused to let anything dampen his spirits.
Dismounting, Henry hands the reins over to a stable boy and enters the stables to find Rocket.
Peter strolls down the staircase and into the entryway heading towards the door. Diane peeks out from the shadows of the alcove she was sitting in and watches him stride through his home. There was a certain unmistakable air about him that drew women to him like a moth to the flame. The flame never bothers to notice the moths that it devours. Diane doubted Peter did either.
The door slams shut behind him as he heads for the stables. Another battle over her. A battle between dreams and flames that can only end in disaster. She dared not watch, yet knew she couldn't sit here and wait for news of the outcome.
Sighing, Diane rose and headed towards the staircase. It would be best to appear as if she at least cares about the outcome, even if her appearances mask her true feelings.
Peter mounts his black charger at the far end of the field. His man at arms, George, carefully latches the various buckles into place on his breastplate. Because of the extreme weight of his armor, Peter must be geared after mounting. Good thing his charger is built for carrying a heavier load! The last buckle in place, George gingerly places the helmet into place and steps down off the block. The charger snorts and side steps a bit, anxious to perform this dance he does best. George hands Peter his black and white striped lance and steps away from the horse and rider.
Henry, latched into his armor and astride Rocket, takes his red and yellow lance from the boy standing beside the block. The butterflies increase tenfold and Henry takes a deep breath. Rocket dances sideways and rolls his eyes at the excitement he feels from the rider on his back. Throwing a small side kick to show his disapproval, Rocket makes it hard for Henry to maintain his seat. Henry forcefully calms himself and takes control of the animal beneath him. Turning his charger around, Henry faces Peter.
Without a second's hesitation, Peter kicks his horse into gear, and aims for Henry's heart. Henry likewise thunders across the field, desparately trying to aim his lance at the spots his trainer told him to look for. Weak spots in the armor, in his opponent's balance, and the head; all critical points that will lead to victory and his dreams.
With a crash of thunder, the two riders come in contact with the wooden lances. Peter turns his mount around at the end of the field and pulls him to a stop. Rocket stops at the other end of the field, saddle empty. Henry lay facedown in the dirt. A few of the staff members rush over to check and see if Henry is still in one piece.
Mouthfull of dirt, Henry feels the bitterness of defeat. Shame, dispair, and a broken spirit lay in the dirt with him, holding him still. What was he going to do now? How could he ever look at himself in the mirror again, let alone see Lady Diane after this humiliation. Henry shut his eyes to the world and his dispair.
What will Henry do now? What will Diane do now that Henry has once again lost to Peter?
Springing out of bed, Henry rings for his manservant. Winston appears in the doorway, "What can I do for you sir?"
"Where is Christophe?"
"I believe you fired him last week sir." Winston replies.
"Why hasn't there been a replacement hired?" Henry asks disdainfully. "I NEED a manservant immediately!"
"I would be delighted to attend to your needs, my lord." Winston replies hopefully. "Anything to help you sir."
Warily, Henry directs Winston to help him get dressed for breakfast. He has always had suspicions concerning the man and his strange ways, but his mother likes him. Therefore he remains mute on the subject of Winston's extra curricular activities. Far be it for him to judge. Besides today is about Diane and his fight for her. No sense sullying the start with adverse thoughts around an old man's eccentricities.
Dismissing Winston, Henry takes one more look at himself in the mirror and smiles. Today was going to be a day to remember!
In another place, Burwick to be exact, another person is also found still abed. However, Peter is not, and rarely is, alone in this bed. Arm lazily thrown over the dark-haired serving girl he bedded last night, Peter is still deeply asleep.
Simeon appears outside the bedroom door an hour before midday to waken the lord of the house. Knocking to announce himself, Simeon slowly enters the rather dark room. He shoos Bridgette, the serving girl from downstairs, out the door and prepares to wake his lord.
Clearing his throat, "My lord..." Simeon says softly.
Peter wakes with a start and glares at Simeon. Shaking himself like a dog, he growls, "What time is it?"
"Almost midday, sir" Simeon softly replies. "I do apologize for waking you, but remember you have Henry of Westchesterfieldville to answer today."
"Oh, yes." Peter runs a rough hand through his hair, "If only I could forget about this silly mess. It's not like the girl is worth this much fuss."
"I would council against ignoring Henry though my lord, if it is not too bold of me to say so."
"Yea, I know. I can not afford to look weak or afraid. Especially against a jellyfish like Henry," Peter sighs. "That would only create a stir amongst my supporters, and I can not have them thinking I am weak."
Swinging his feet from under the furs and onto the floor, Peter sighs again. Better to get this done and over with rather than sit and dwell on it.
Striding across the room, Peter grabs the breeches and tunic he'll wear under his armor. "Lets be done with this, Simeon."
Riding across the bridge and towards Burwick once more, Henry can not calm the butterflies in his stomach. He has waited a long time to best Peter, and knows that today is the day it will happen! Soup was just as excited as the horse pranced into the courtyard. Rocket was actually Henry's charger, but he preferred Soup for almost everything but warfare. Rocket was already at Burwick, rested and ready to go. Hopefully he had received a better breakfast than Henry. Cold porridge was not his idea of an ideal way to start the day. However, Henry refused to let anything dampen his spirits.
Dismounting, Henry hands the reins over to a stable boy and enters the stables to find Rocket.
Peter strolls down the staircase and into the entryway heading towards the door. Diane peeks out from the shadows of the alcove she was sitting in and watches him stride through his home. There was a certain unmistakable air about him that drew women to him like a moth to the flame. The flame never bothers to notice the moths that it devours. Diane doubted Peter did either.
The door slams shut behind him as he heads for the stables. Another battle over her. A battle between dreams and flames that can only end in disaster. She dared not watch, yet knew she couldn't sit here and wait for news of the outcome.
Sighing, Diane rose and headed towards the staircase. It would be best to appear as if she at least cares about the outcome, even if her appearances mask her true feelings.
Peter mounts his black charger at the far end of the field. His man at arms, George, carefully latches the various buckles into place on his breastplate. Because of the extreme weight of his armor, Peter must be geared after mounting. Good thing his charger is built for carrying a heavier load! The last buckle in place, George gingerly places the helmet into place and steps down off the block. The charger snorts and side steps a bit, anxious to perform this dance he does best. George hands Peter his black and white striped lance and steps away from the horse and rider.
Henry, latched into his armor and astride Rocket, takes his red and yellow lance from the boy standing beside the block. The butterflies increase tenfold and Henry takes a deep breath. Rocket dances sideways and rolls his eyes at the excitement he feels from the rider on his back. Throwing a small side kick to show his disapproval, Rocket makes it hard for Henry to maintain his seat. Henry forcefully calms himself and takes control of the animal beneath him. Turning his charger around, Henry faces Peter.
Without a second's hesitation, Peter kicks his horse into gear, and aims for Henry's heart. Henry likewise thunders across the field, desparately trying to aim his lance at the spots his trainer told him to look for. Weak spots in the armor, in his opponent's balance, and the head; all critical points that will lead to victory and his dreams.
With a crash of thunder, the two riders come in contact with the wooden lances. Peter turns his mount around at the end of the field and pulls him to a stop. Rocket stops at the other end of the field, saddle empty. Henry lay facedown in the dirt. A few of the staff members rush over to check and see if Henry is still in one piece.
Mouthfull of dirt, Henry feels the bitterness of defeat. Shame, dispair, and a broken spirit lay in the dirt with him, holding him still. What was he going to do now? How could he ever look at himself in the mirror again, let alone see Lady Diane after this humiliation. Henry shut his eyes to the world and his dispair.
What will Henry do now? What will Diane do now that Henry has once again lost to Peter?
Monday, April 30, 2012
Mommy moment
Today, I'm having a mommy nostalgic moment. Everyone tells you that babies grow up fast, but they fail to express how fast! My daughter hit the 8 month old mark over the weekend and I'm floored at how quickly that time flew. She can do so much and has changed into this little person with a unique personality!
Sitting up, crawling, feeding herself, and saying dada. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home. I know we have many many more milestones ahead of us and I look forward to each and every one.
I once read a story about a mom that cried at each step of growth her little one made because it was one step away from her. Yet, I don't think this view is actually correct. My daughter is making steps towards her own independence, but this just means that I will become wanted not just necessary. My presence in her life is slowly becoming less 'necessary' and more desired. She won't 'need' me to be here, but chose to and want to have me in her life.
It's a balm of solstice to know that as my daughter grows, so does my relationship with her. Even if she chooses to omit me from parts of her life, I know that our relationship will be like no other relationship either of us will be in.
Sitting up, crawling, feeding herself, and saying dada. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home. I know we have many many more milestones ahead of us and I look forward to each and every one.
I once read a story about a mom that cried at each step of growth her little one made because it was one step away from her. Yet, I don't think this view is actually correct. My daughter is making steps towards her own independence, but this just means that I will become wanted not just necessary. My presence in her life is slowly becoming less 'necessary' and more desired. She won't 'need' me to be here, but chose to and want to have me in her life.
It's a balm of solstice to know that as my daughter grows, so does my relationship with her. Even if she chooses to omit me from parts of her life, I know that our relationship will be like no other relationship either of us will be in.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Mother's intuition
If you would have asked me about moms possessing a sixth sense before I became one, I would have laughed in disbelief. In fact, I often wondered why my own mother used to yell at us for things that could have or might have happened. I remember racing across the street with my little brother, chasing a ball. Mom was so mad and scared we got yelled at a lot that day! Yet in my mind we had adverted any danger since we ran around any cars. She used to tell us about the danger she could see us getting ourselves into. I never understood it much, until I brought my little girl into the world.
Now.... I'm seriously not crazy. I just believe in the possibility of mother's intuition. It is like having a sense of foreknowledge about events that could occur from the situation in front of me. I can 'see' things happening that could harm my daughter. It is an interesting and new feeling. I can 'see' her knocking a jar of baby food onto the floor before she reaches for it. If I ignore the feeling, I'll have a baby food-covered baby! Those are the minor gut urgings. The major ones tell me about the wood sticks she could put in her mouth, the car seat she could pull down on herself, and the cords she could wrap around her neck. It is as if my danger radar is on super high to help me prevent any situations that could endanger her.
Now I understand why my own mother used to appear paranoid! She was using her own radar to prevent us from getting hurt.
I thought maybe I was making this up and I was just being over cautious; but after doing a little reading, I discovered that mothers actually do become more tuned into what their babies need, especially protection. This intuition is built into our hard drives. One mother said she could tell when her son was going to have a seizure, even though he had only had two in his lifetime. She actually predicted the third one a year and half later! Hopefully my intuition will not be needed for situations like that, but I will believe it if necessary.
On top of this intuition is the invisible cord that seems to still connect us. Though I am in the other room while she is sleeping, I feel as though part of myself is still "listening" for her. Who knew being a mother was going to be such an interesting and eye-opening experience! This little life has changed everything. I've reconnected and now see the world in a new and glorious way.
Cheers to you moms (and dads) out there that know what I mean. Enjoy those changes and relish the new way you see the world....though a child's eyes!
Now.... I'm seriously not crazy. I just believe in the possibility of mother's intuition. It is like having a sense of foreknowledge about events that could occur from the situation in front of me. I can 'see' things happening that could harm my daughter. It is an interesting and new feeling. I can 'see' her knocking a jar of baby food onto the floor before she reaches for it. If I ignore the feeling, I'll have a baby food-covered baby! Those are the minor gut urgings. The major ones tell me about the wood sticks she could put in her mouth, the car seat she could pull down on herself, and the cords she could wrap around her neck. It is as if my danger radar is on super high to help me prevent any situations that could endanger her.
Now I understand why my own mother used to appear paranoid! She was using her own radar to prevent us from getting hurt.
I thought maybe I was making this up and I was just being over cautious; but after doing a little reading, I discovered that mothers actually do become more tuned into what their babies need, especially protection. This intuition is built into our hard drives. One mother said she could tell when her son was going to have a seizure, even though he had only had two in his lifetime. She actually predicted the third one a year and half later! Hopefully my intuition will not be needed for situations like that, but I will believe it if necessary.
On top of this intuition is the invisible cord that seems to still connect us. Though I am in the other room while she is sleeping, I feel as though part of myself is still "listening" for her. Who knew being a mother was going to be such an interesting and eye-opening experience! This little life has changed everything. I've reconnected and now see the world in a new and glorious way.
Cheers to you moms (and dads) out there that know what I mean. Enjoy those changes and relish the new way you see the world....though a child's eyes!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
A Twist in the Sheets
Strolling through the glass french doors out onto the terrace, Lady Katherine took a deep breath of the rich country air. Her white knuckles gripping the cup of afternoon tea in her hand was the only sign of her anxiety. Outwardly she appeared to be calm, sort of serene as she brushed a lock of blond hair away from her face. Few would have recognized this as the calm before the storm except her mother. Her mother would know what to do. She always had. Unfortunately her mother had left this world a few years ago and left Katherine with her aging father and his dwindling sums.
Katherine smiled in remembrance of a time when life seemed to be nothing but dreams of fairy tales, princesses, and ponies. Things little girls always dream of as they make that transition between child and woman. Then their dreams transform into hopes for a happy prosperous family, with beautiful healthy children and a happy endearing husband. A home to be proud of and a household to run. Never do those dreams include children that don't survive or survive with aliments that make life almost not worth living. Nor do those dreams include absent fathers, poor living conditions, or a leaking roof.
'Funny how dreams and reality are never quite the same,' thought Katherine as she took a small sip of her tea. Her father's misfortune in gambling created a large debt at their door. In turn this ruined many of Katherine's chances at securing a wealthy husband, for who would pay a proper bride price for her? Her long blond hair was her best quality, yet it could not completely overshadow the plainness of her face, the muddy brown eyes, or overweight appearance that did not encourage many suitors. 'Who is going to want me now?' she thought to herself.
Slowly she dropped her hand down to her midsection and wondered at the life that was forming. How could she have fell for his advances? He never wanted to marry her. It was one night of weakness, yet a night she will now have to live with forever.
"Peter, how could you do this to me?" Katherine asks the silence. Worse yet, wait until Diane finds out she is carrying his child! Then Katherine knew she would truly be on her own for her only friend would leave her.
Katherine wipes the tears of loneliness from her eyes. How was she ever going to escape this horrible situation she is in?
Henry proudly enters the solarium still dusty from practice. His mud encrusted boots clicked loudly on the bright tiled floor.
"Practice go well dear?" Elizabeth asks without looking up from her embroidery.
"As, always dear mother!" Henry crows. "Edward barely nicked my armor this time. I do believe I am more than ready to meet Burwick on the field tomorrow."
"That is good dear." his mother replies. "Just please be careful. We don't want you breaking your arm again."
"Careful?! Mother, breaking arms and legs is what us men do!" Henry snorts in annoyance. "Only this time the plan is to not break my arm, but to break his!"
"Well at least TRY to come out of this thing tomorrow relatively unharmed, okay?" Elizabeth looks up at her son with concern in her eyes. "A mother worries. We don't enjoy patching up our sons as much as they enjoy breaking things."
"Yes yes mother," sighs Henry as he rolls his eyes. Mothers can be so patronizing sometimes! With peck on his mother's cheek, Henry strolls out of the solarium towards a hot bath and cleaner clothes.
Elizabeth watches her son walk out of the room and sighs. It is one thing to encourage her son in his pursuits, quite another listening to him whine about the pain when he falls. If only he were more focused on running the estate and connecting with the people instead of chasing this fool girl. Bashing another man over the head with a stick was not going to solve any problems. Either way this goes tomorrow, Henry was not going to come out of it unscathed. Jousts were not easy on the body, and last time Henry was lucky only his arm broke. A fall from a charger often created much more damage. Elizabeth only hoped that Henry would learn his lesson this time and turn his attention to more mature pursuits. Diane was only going to get him into more trouble than she was worth. As lovely as the girl is, Elizabeth knew her heart was still roaming. No matter what Henry did it was obviously not going to be enough for her. He needed to move on.
Elizabeth sighs. If the pain of another broken arm or leg can not get through to Henry that he is on a fool's errand chasing after that girl, then anything she might have to say is not going to. Just like his father, he has to learn things the hard way!
Next week we'll see who actually ends up in the dirt, Henry or Peter, as they joust their way into (or out of) a woman's heart!
Katherine smiled in remembrance of a time when life seemed to be nothing but dreams of fairy tales, princesses, and ponies. Things little girls always dream of as they make that transition between child and woman. Then their dreams transform into hopes for a happy prosperous family, with beautiful healthy children and a happy endearing husband. A home to be proud of and a household to run. Never do those dreams include children that don't survive or survive with aliments that make life almost not worth living. Nor do those dreams include absent fathers, poor living conditions, or a leaking roof.
'Funny how dreams and reality are never quite the same,' thought Katherine as she took a small sip of her tea. Her father's misfortune in gambling created a large debt at their door. In turn this ruined many of Katherine's chances at securing a wealthy husband, for who would pay a proper bride price for her? Her long blond hair was her best quality, yet it could not completely overshadow the plainness of her face, the muddy brown eyes, or overweight appearance that did not encourage many suitors. 'Who is going to want me now?' she thought to herself.
Slowly she dropped her hand down to her midsection and wondered at the life that was forming. How could she have fell for his advances? He never wanted to marry her. It was one night of weakness, yet a night she will now have to live with forever.
"Peter, how could you do this to me?" Katherine asks the silence. Worse yet, wait until Diane finds out she is carrying his child! Then Katherine knew she would truly be on her own for her only friend would leave her.
Katherine wipes the tears of loneliness from her eyes. How was she ever going to escape this horrible situation she is in?
Henry proudly enters the solarium still dusty from practice. His mud encrusted boots clicked loudly on the bright tiled floor.
"Practice go well dear?" Elizabeth asks without looking up from her embroidery.
"As, always dear mother!" Henry crows. "Edward barely nicked my armor this time. I do believe I am more than ready to meet Burwick on the field tomorrow."
"That is good dear." his mother replies. "Just please be careful. We don't want you breaking your arm again."
"Careful?! Mother, breaking arms and legs is what us men do!" Henry snorts in annoyance. "Only this time the plan is to not break my arm, but to break his!"
"Well at least TRY to come out of this thing tomorrow relatively unharmed, okay?" Elizabeth looks up at her son with concern in her eyes. "A mother worries. We don't enjoy patching up our sons as much as they enjoy breaking things."
"Yes yes mother," sighs Henry as he rolls his eyes. Mothers can be so patronizing sometimes! With peck on his mother's cheek, Henry strolls out of the solarium towards a hot bath and cleaner clothes.
Elizabeth watches her son walk out of the room and sighs. It is one thing to encourage her son in his pursuits, quite another listening to him whine about the pain when he falls. If only he were more focused on running the estate and connecting with the people instead of chasing this fool girl. Bashing another man over the head with a stick was not going to solve any problems. Either way this goes tomorrow, Henry was not going to come out of it unscathed. Jousts were not easy on the body, and last time Henry was lucky only his arm broke. A fall from a charger often created much more damage. Elizabeth only hoped that Henry would learn his lesson this time and turn his attention to more mature pursuits. Diane was only going to get him into more trouble than she was worth. As lovely as the girl is, Elizabeth knew her heart was still roaming. No matter what Henry did it was obviously not going to be enough for her. He needed to move on.
Elizabeth sighs. If the pain of another broken arm or leg can not get through to Henry that he is on a fool's errand chasing after that girl, then anything she might have to say is not going to. Just like his father, he has to learn things the hard way!
Next week we'll see who actually ends up in the dirt, Henry or Peter, as they joust their way into (or out of) a woman's heart!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Stay-at-home moms, the hardest job ever!
I never aspired to be a stay at home mom. I never thought much about daycare or the cost of working vs the benefits of staying at home. I just never thought that being a stay at home mom was something I was going to do. Along came Serenity to change all of that!
My 6 week maternity leave came to an end and I went back to work like I always thought I would. Not being happy with the job I was doing at the time (nor was it much help to us), I thought why not go for something else? Lets see what I can do now since I'm not pregnant and waiting for the bundle to arrive. I started running numbers and thinking about what I was going to do with my little bundle of joy while I was out working. Daycare? Grandma's? How much was I going to have to work to offset the costs? I quickly realized that I was going to be making some changes that I never thought possible. Financially staying at home with the little one was actually going to be a plus. Also I really did not want to have my daughter spending more time with someone else than she does with mommy and daddy (who works out of town a lot).
So I now find myself in the interesting job of staying at home with my little one. A blessing and curse all in one!
Okay, so more a blessing than a curse....especially now that I found some of these tips to help me keep my sanity (which has slowly been fading) and create a happier atmosphere for all of us.
Helpful Tips for the stay at home moms (and dads too):
1. Get organized.
Thank goodness I am typically organized, but from what I'm understanding I need to be even more so. Schedules help keep everything working smoothly and scheduling time to clean, be alone, etc. help a mom keep on track. Schedules should be flexible enough to accommodate the special occasions, but also be durable enough to stick to. Many moms found it easier to schedule by the hour and others by the day. We've already got an hourly schedule, need to work on a weekly schedule to keep this house somewhat clean!
2. Stay organized.
Make your schedules and stick to them as best you can. Obviously things are going to get in the way from time to time, but it is best to get back on track. Being self-motivated it is easier to stay motivated if you have a schedule you can follow.
3. Get out of the house.
Many moms found it best to get out of the house at least once or twice a week. Others needed the break once a day. Taking a trip to the grocery store, going for a walk, playgroups, library visits, etc. give us the break we need. It is important to change your surroundings. Plus it forces you to take a shower and get dressed in something besides pajama pants and a tee-shirt. We've already got this down, though having more fruitful ventures might be in the works.
4. Share the Load.
Just because you are staying at home does not mean that everything household related is your responsibility. Share the load with your partner or even your older kids (if you have them). This I've finally got the grasp of, though it did take a while to unburden myself of those few drops of responsibility I share. I'm not the only one that can wield a spatula or dishcloth!!
5. Don't forget about you!
You have to take time out for yourself. Read a book, enjoy a bubble bath, just spend some alone time enjoying something you love. This is crucial for your overall happiness and health and therefore directly relates to the happiness and health of your family. Thus indulge in you from time to time and make that time a bit more frequent than you already do. This is something I still struggle with at times. After bedtime is the best time for me!
6. Pick your battles
Be a bit selective of what is important to battle about and what is not. Set your priorities and stick to them. Eating applesauce for the 3rd day in a row for lunch is not going to hurt. Playing in the toilet, on the other hand, is gross. Don't worry about the little things that really don't matter in the long run. Give yourself a break and let things slide from time to time. This is a challenge for me, but I'm slowly learning!
7. Cleaning vs playtime
Many moms suggest cleaning on a schedule and making priorities for cleaning tasks. Suggestions were ensuring that one room a day gets cleaned or ensuring that one room stays clean throughout the week (like the kitchen). Laundry can be washed at night and dried in the morning. Block out time for cleaning and leave the rest of the day for playtime. Playtime is important for development, so make sure you spend time with them too. I'm working on this. Think this is where a good schedule could come in handy!
8. Outlet
You need an outlet to help cope with the daily successes, struggles, frustrations, and joys. Joining a moms group, friends, family, online groups, etc. can provide mom with an outlet of understanding and encouragement that will contribute to the overall health of your family. It is important to have others around to keep all those frustrations at bay and to help you celebrate the successes! I'm in the development process of this tip. Unfortunately I still vent on the husband more than he is capable of handling!
9. Check your guilt
Again don't stress about the small stuff. Learn to accept your limitations. Don't feel guilty because you can not do everything. Do the best that you can. That is all anyone is asking for, nothing more. Therefore leave your guilty feelings at the door. This is probably one of the hardest things to do since I believe all moms are hardwired to feel guilty about something!
10. Have Fun!
The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy your family. Your children will only be at this age for so long. Enjoy them now in each stage they are in for tomorrow it will change.
I hope these tips help some of the stay at home moms out there enjoy their job a bit more. I know I will be implementing a few more of these at home to create a much more enjoyable atmosphere!
My 6 week maternity leave came to an end and I went back to work like I always thought I would. Not being happy with the job I was doing at the time (nor was it much help to us), I thought why not go for something else? Lets see what I can do now since I'm not pregnant and waiting for the bundle to arrive. I started running numbers and thinking about what I was going to do with my little bundle of joy while I was out working. Daycare? Grandma's? How much was I going to have to work to offset the costs? I quickly realized that I was going to be making some changes that I never thought possible. Financially staying at home with the little one was actually going to be a plus. Also I really did not want to have my daughter spending more time with someone else than she does with mommy and daddy (who works out of town a lot).
So I now find myself in the interesting job of staying at home with my little one. A blessing and curse all in one!
Okay, so more a blessing than a curse....especially now that I found some of these tips to help me keep my sanity (which has slowly been fading) and create a happier atmosphere for all of us.
Helpful Tips for the stay at home moms (and dads too):
1. Get organized.
Thank goodness I am typically organized, but from what I'm understanding I need to be even more so. Schedules help keep everything working smoothly and scheduling time to clean, be alone, etc. help a mom keep on track. Schedules should be flexible enough to accommodate the special occasions, but also be durable enough to stick to. Many moms found it easier to schedule by the hour and others by the day. We've already got an hourly schedule, need to work on a weekly schedule to keep this house somewhat clean!
2. Stay organized.
Make your schedules and stick to them as best you can. Obviously things are going to get in the way from time to time, but it is best to get back on track. Being self-motivated it is easier to stay motivated if you have a schedule you can follow.
3. Get out of the house.
Many moms found it best to get out of the house at least once or twice a week. Others needed the break once a day. Taking a trip to the grocery store, going for a walk, playgroups, library visits, etc. give us the break we need. It is important to change your surroundings. Plus it forces you to take a shower and get dressed in something besides pajama pants and a tee-shirt. We've already got this down, though having more fruitful ventures might be in the works.
4. Share the Load.
Just because you are staying at home does not mean that everything household related is your responsibility. Share the load with your partner or even your older kids (if you have them). This I've finally got the grasp of, though it did take a while to unburden myself of those few drops of responsibility I share. I'm not the only one that can wield a spatula or dishcloth!!
5. Don't forget about you!
You have to take time out for yourself. Read a book, enjoy a bubble bath, just spend some alone time enjoying something you love. This is crucial for your overall happiness and health and therefore directly relates to the happiness and health of your family. Thus indulge in you from time to time and make that time a bit more frequent than you already do. This is something I still struggle with at times. After bedtime is the best time for me!
6. Pick your battles
Be a bit selective of what is important to battle about and what is not. Set your priorities and stick to them. Eating applesauce for the 3rd day in a row for lunch is not going to hurt. Playing in the toilet, on the other hand, is gross. Don't worry about the little things that really don't matter in the long run. Give yourself a break and let things slide from time to time. This is a challenge for me, but I'm slowly learning!
7. Cleaning vs playtime
Many moms suggest cleaning on a schedule and making priorities for cleaning tasks. Suggestions were ensuring that one room a day gets cleaned or ensuring that one room stays clean throughout the week (like the kitchen). Laundry can be washed at night and dried in the morning. Block out time for cleaning and leave the rest of the day for playtime. Playtime is important for development, so make sure you spend time with them too. I'm working on this. Think this is where a good schedule could come in handy!
8. Outlet
You need an outlet to help cope with the daily successes, struggles, frustrations, and joys. Joining a moms group, friends, family, online groups, etc. can provide mom with an outlet of understanding and encouragement that will contribute to the overall health of your family. It is important to have others around to keep all those frustrations at bay and to help you celebrate the successes! I'm in the development process of this tip. Unfortunately I still vent on the husband more than he is capable of handling!
9. Check your guilt
Again don't stress about the small stuff. Learn to accept your limitations. Don't feel guilty because you can not do everything. Do the best that you can. That is all anyone is asking for, nothing more. Therefore leave your guilty feelings at the door. This is probably one of the hardest things to do since I believe all moms are hardwired to feel guilty about something!
10. Have Fun!
The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy your family. Your children will only be at this age for so long. Enjoy them now in each stage they are in for tomorrow it will change.
I hope these tips help some of the stay at home moms out there enjoy their job a bit more. I know I will be implementing a few more of these at home to create a much more enjoyable atmosphere!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Challenge issued!
Lady Diane quietly slips out of bed and grabs her robe from the floor. It was still dark, the wee hours of morning. She imagines what her father is going to say if he finds out where she has been. They had so many plans for her that she was not ready to commit to. If only she had been born to someone of lower class, she would not be forced into marriage and the dull role of being someone's wife. Once you married, the men stopped looking at you for fear of your husband's wrath and your husband started looking at other prospects. Everyone had mistresses and ladies on the side! She didn't expect her marriage to be any different.
Peter stirs, pulling her out of her thoughts and into the present. She needed to move quickly before he woke and started asking questions she didn't want to answer right now. She grabs her slippers and tiptoes towards the door. Carefully she opens the door just wide enough for her to slip out and quietly pulls it shut behind her.
It is quiet early for the sun is just now peaking over the trees. A thick white cloak of fog lays over the land and softens the early rays of the sun. Henry brings Soup down the lane towards Burwick Manor, set on his mission to confront it's lord. The architecture of the house is very old. Burwick has been around for generations and its lords have the respect of the people. Nevertheless, this is not going to stop Henry from achieving his goal. He wants Diane as his own and no stuck-up, rich pig is going to keep her from him.
Henry steels his jaw with determination as he approaches the heavy iron gate. The gate-keeper stumbles out of the house and glares at him. Obviously the man had just rolled out of bed at the sounds of Soup's hoofbeats since he was still tying his belt and buttoning his shirt.
"What do you want," growled the gatekeeper at Henry.
"I'm here to see the lord of the house and challenge him to a test of strength," sneered Henry. "Open this gate immediately!"
With a snort and another angry glare, the gatekeeper proceeds to open the gate to let Henry in.
Henry brushes past him into the courtyard.
Dismounting, he looks for the stable boy that should be waiting to take his horse. Finding no one, he grows impatient and nervous. Surely Peter would not be rude to him before he even has the chance to challenge him! Another minute or two goes by as Henry debilitates. Should he look for the stables on his own? Soup needed a good rubdown and feed. Hospitality demanded that his horse at least be looked after.
Suddenly a small boy, no more than eight or nine winters old, appeared and asked if he could take Soup to the stables. Relieved, Henry hands the boy the reins and quickly approaches the door. The butler opens the door after the third knock and escorts him into the drawing room.
Peter wakes to the sound of gentle knocking at his door. His butler, Simeon, pokes his head inside. "Sir, pardon the intrusion, but you have an early morning visitor." Simeon quietly says. "It is Lord Henry of Westchesterfieldville, I do believe he is here on behalf of the Lady Diane, sir."
Peter shuts his eyes against the immediate headache at the mention of Henry's name. The poor bloke is probably here to issue another challenge at which he will again have to dump him in the dirt. When was the guy going to learn?
"I'm up, Simeon." Peter grumbled. "I'll be down shortly. Coffee is needed, I think, before discussing anything with Lord Henry."
"Very good sir, I'll have the maid bring it up."
"No, need. I'll take it at the breakfast table. Henry can wait a few more minutes since he felt it necessary to wake me this early."
"Very well sir." Simeon gently pulls the door shut while Peter grudgingly gets out of bed.
An hour later, Peter enters the drawing room to a very agitated and irritable Henry. "Have you had your breakfast yet, Lord Henry?" asks Peter.
"How could I have since you are the first person I have seen in the past two hours that I've been waiting here!" exclaims Henry. "Hospitality requires that you at least offer a guest something to drink!"
"You are entirely right, Lord Henry, and I am deeply sorry for the delay on behalf of my servants," Peter states. "Unfortunately they are not used to having guests this early in the morning, but lets remedy that now shall we?" He calls for Simeon to bring his guest coffee and scones. Simeon nods and makes a hasty retreat. He reappears a few moments later with an appropriate tray of breakfast delicacies and a hot pot of coffee.
After giving Henry a few moments to stave off his hunger, Peter asks, "Now what was so important as to require an all night ride?"
"I am here to issue a challenge on the tournament field for the hand of Lady Diane!" exclaims Henry.
"Ah," sighs Peter, "I thought as much. Are you really ready to end up in the dirt once more over this woman?"
"I refuse to allow her to go to a man like you! She belongs with me!"
"Lord Henry, it might be out of line for me to say, but have you tried asking the Lady Diane what she wants?"
"Of course!" replies Henry. "But, she is uncertain as to her true desires." {And it is my hope to sway that desire in my direction by taking you out of the picture} Henry thinks to himself.
"Very well then," sighs Peter, "If you truly want to revisit this yet again, I will indulge you once more. But hear me, when you end up with your face in the dirt and your rear to the air, don't say I didn't try to talk you out of this."
"That will not happen again!" storms Henry. "You had a lucky shot last time and I was still recovering from my illness over the winter, thus giving you an unfair advantage!"
"If you say so, Lord Henry. If that is the case then at least this time you might present more of a challenge then." taunts Peter.
"You will see!" Henry exclaims angrily as he heads towards the door. He was going to put that pompous rear of Peter's in the dirt if it was the last thing he ever did.
"Good day, Lord Henry, I'll see you soon." Peter calls to Henry as Henry yanks open the front door and storms down the stairs. One of these days that man will learn. Peter wondered how many more times he would have to put Henry's face in the dirt to get the message across that he is not the one standing in his way. The Lady Diane has her own mind and there is much more to taming her than a simple gesture of strength. Remembering last evening, he smiled. She was definately worth the headache though!
Peter stirs, pulling her out of her thoughts and into the present. She needed to move quickly before he woke and started asking questions she didn't want to answer right now. She grabs her slippers and tiptoes towards the door. Carefully she opens the door just wide enough for her to slip out and quietly pulls it shut behind her.
It is quiet early for the sun is just now peaking over the trees. A thick white cloak of fog lays over the land and softens the early rays of the sun. Henry brings Soup down the lane towards Burwick Manor, set on his mission to confront it's lord. The architecture of the house is very old. Burwick has been around for generations and its lords have the respect of the people. Nevertheless, this is not going to stop Henry from achieving his goal. He wants Diane as his own and no stuck-up, rich pig is going to keep her from him.
Henry steels his jaw with determination as he approaches the heavy iron gate. The gate-keeper stumbles out of the house and glares at him. Obviously the man had just rolled out of bed at the sounds of Soup's hoofbeats since he was still tying his belt and buttoning his shirt.
"What do you want," growled the gatekeeper at Henry.
"I'm here to see the lord of the house and challenge him to a test of strength," sneered Henry. "Open this gate immediately!"
With a snort and another angry glare, the gatekeeper proceeds to open the gate to let Henry in.
Henry brushes past him into the courtyard.
Dismounting, he looks for the stable boy that should be waiting to take his horse. Finding no one, he grows impatient and nervous. Surely Peter would not be rude to him before he even has the chance to challenge him! Another minute or two goes by as Henry debilitates. Should he look for the stables on his own? Soup needed a good rubdown and feed. Hospitality demanded that his horse at least be looked after.
Suddenly a small boy, no more than eight or nine winters old, appeared and asked if he could take Soup to the stables. Relieved, Henry hands the boy the reins and quickly approaches the door. The butler opens the door after the third knock and escorts him into the drawing room.
Peter wakes to the sound of gentle knocking at his door. His butler, Simeon, pokes his head inside. "Sir, pardon the intrusion, but you have an early morning visitor." Simeon quietly says. "It is Lord Henry of Westchesterfieldville, I do believe he is here on behalf of the Lady Diane, sir."
Peter shuts his eyes against the immediate headache at the mention of Henry's name. The poor bloke is probably here to issue another challenge at which he will again have to dump him in the dirt. When was the guy going to learn?
"I'm up, Simeon." Peter grumbled. "I'll be down shortly. Coffee is needed, I think, before discussing anything with Lord Henry."
"Very good sir, I'll have the maid bring it up."
"No, need. I'll take it at the breakfast table. Henry can wait a few more minutes since he felt it necessary to wake me this early."
"Very well sir." Simeon gently pulls the door shut while Peter grudgingly gets out of bed.
An hour later, Peter enters the drawing room to a very agitated and irritable Henry. "Have you had your breakfast yet, Lord Henry?" asks Peter.
"How could I have since you are the first person I have seen in the past two hours that I've been waiting here!" exclaims Henry. "Hospitality requires that you at least offer a guest something to drink!"
"You are entirely right, Lord Henry, and I am deeply sorry for the delay on behalf of my servants," Peter states. "Unfortunately they are not used to having guests this early in the morning, but lets remedy that now shall we?" He calls for Simeon to bring his guest coffee and scones. Simeon nods and makes a hasty retreat. He reappears a few moments later with an appropriate tray of breakfast delicacies and a hot pot of coffee.
After giving Henry a few moments to stave off his hunger, Peter asks, "Now what was so important as to require an all night ride?"
"I am here to issue a challenge on the tournament field for the hand of Lady Diane!" exclaims Henry.
"Ah," sighs Peter, "I thought as much. Are you really ready to end up in the dirt once more over this woman?"
"I refuse to allow her to go to a man like you! She belongs with me!"
"Lord Henry, it might be out of line for me to say, but have you tried asking the Lady Diane what she wants?"
"Of course!" replies Henry. "But, she is uncertain as to her true desires." {And it is my hope to sway that desire in my direction by taking you out of the picture} Henry thinks to himself.
"Very well then," sighs Peter, "If you truly want to revisit this yet again, I will indulge you once more. But hear me, when you end up with your face in the dirt and your rear to the air, don't say I didn't try to talk you out of this."
"That will not happen again!" storms Henry. "You had a lucky shot last time and I was still recovering from my illness over the winter, thus giving you an unfair advantage!"
"If you say so, Lord Henry. If that is the case then at least this time you might present more of a challenge then." taunts Peter.
"You will see!" Henry exclaims angrily as he heads towards the door. He was going to put that pompous rear of Peter's in the dirt if it was the last thing he ever did.
"Good day, Lord Henry, I'll see you soon." Peter calls to Henry as Henry yanks open the front door and storms down the stairs. One of these days that man will learn. Peter wondered how many more times he would have to put Henry's face in the dirt to get the message across that he is not the one standing in his way. The Lady Diane has her own mind and there is much more to taming her than a simple gesture of strength. Remembering last evening, he smiled. She was definately worth the headache though!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Breastmilk, formula, or else?
When I was pregnant, just like many pregnant women, I was asked about whether I would consider breastfeeding. At first this was something I had thought very little about. Yes, I support the women that chose to do so, but had really never thought about doing so myself. Every time someone mentioned breastfeeding all I could think about was having this little person attached to me in a manner in which I was not sure I could be comfortable with. Did I want to give my daughter the best I could? Did that mean breastfeeding or would formula and bottles be the best because of my comfort level? These were questions I now had to ask myself.
Now, whether you chose to breastfeed or formula feed, there are serious considerations that you must think about. Breastfeeding has become the newest trend in newborn care (well a reoccurring trend) and the benefits are truly worth it. As a mother you can lose weight quicker. Your body bounces back from labor in a much more natural way due to the hormones and reactions caused during breastfeeding. The child gains numerous benefits from the milk because human milk is designed to feed human babies. Many mothers also find that breastfeeding is convenient for them and their little ones.
However, don't believe the myths that breastfeeding is easy, painless, and always convenient. Breastfeeding is sometimes discouraging when you find you can not keep up with your baby's demands. Its not painless. The pain lessens over time, but the initial period of sometimes 6 weeks to 3 months can in fact be really painful. That is just the typical pain that should be expected, not to mention if you end up with a plugged duct or mastitis. As for convenience, I think that relies on your definition of convenient. It also relies on the manner in which you chose to feed.
I personally have not nursed, but I am breastfeeding. I chose to exclusively pump breast milk and feed this to my daughter in a bottle. This statement right here separates me from both the bottle feeders and the breast feeders. Once I made this decision, I found myself on a very lonely road. Yet, I personally found this to be the most beneficial to me and my family because I had what I see as the best of both worlds.
I can eat what I want without it affecting my child's next feeding, all I have to do is pump and dump. Growth spurts do not require me and baby to have marathon nursing sessions, instead I can have Dad help feed her too. I have the convenience of being my baby's personal vending machine when we are out, but without all the stares and glares from the passer-bys. But there are drawbacks too.
Pain is one drawback. 5 months into this and I finally found a comfortable level of pumping. For the first 5 months engorgement, plugged ducts, mastitis, and just plain soreness were frequent companions. Another drawback is the equipment needed. I have bottles, nipples, milk bags, pumping apparatus, etc. to clean and carry. Finally the biggest drawback is the isolation of being an exclusive pumper by choice.
Many many times I was discouraged and told to change my mind. The breastfeeding community put extensive pressure on me to nurse. My doctor, lactation consultant, and pretty much anyone I approached for advice told me to try and get my daughter to latch on. I had to get mean a few times and stand my ground. That is NOT what I wanted. On the other hand, many suggested I switch to formula and forget the hassle of pumping 6+ times a day. Almost everyone but my daughter's pediatrician attempted to discourage me from the course I set. I contribute my continued efforts at providing the best for my child to my stubbornness and my devotion to my daughter.
I know many will not read this through entirely. I know that once my position was stated doors were closed since I've chosen a position that many do not agree with. Yet I wanted to let those few that have chosen, like me, to exclusively pump, that you are not alone. Others are out there. I've met a few here and there. If you are choosing to do something that benefits your child, then you are not doing anything wrong. Stand tall and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Don't let others discourage you for doing what is right for you and your family. If you choose to nurse, pump, or formula feed, you are choosing to feed your child. NOTHING is wrong with that choice.
Moms, I salute you for a job well done.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Elizabeth's court
It was mid-morning, Lady Elizabeth was just taking her seat at the brunch table where her son, Henry, was already grumbling. Once again the young and exotic Diane had turned him down and he was in a sour mood.
"Again I find her conversing with that rogue Peter of Burwick," he growled into his tea. "They were discussing his recent victory over Sir Mark on the tourney field in France, as if a victory there is worth anything!"
"Didn't Sir Mark beat you last year in Brussels, my dear?" Elizabeth calmly remarked.
"Need you remind me, mother?"
Elizabeth sips her tea quietly. She felt sorry for the poor boy. He had his heart set on this girl, yet she avoided his advances. He once purposed marriage to her, but she turned him down.
Elizabeth knew the stories behind Diane's hesitation. She knew the girl was not ready to settle down nor chose a mate, much to the dismay of her parents. Her father had presented every prince within a week's riding distance to meet with her dismissal. Her poor mother was ailing and they both wanted security for Diane before she expired.
Unfortunately no one had asked Diane's opinion on the matter. She had other ideas!
"I should challenge that Peter to a match," her son declared. "Maybe when I beat the boasting out of him I'll gain some respect."
Elizabeth inclined her head in agreement knowing he would do it regardless of her desires.
Henry strolled out into the courtyard and headed for the stables. James, the stable master, was polishing the carriage tack as he approached. "James, saddle Soup immediately. I am on my way to Burwick with a challenge."
"Yes sir," replied James, dropping the tack and retrieving the gelding.
A few minutes later James watches as Henry turned Soup down the lane towards Burwick.
'That boy was in for another beating over that silly girl once again,' thought James.
Next week we'll discover the terms of the challenge and whether it was worth Henry's trouble to go against Peter of Burwick!
"Again I find her conversing with that rogue Peter of Burwick," he growled into his tea. "They were discussing his recent victory over Sir Mark on the tourney field in France, as if a victory there is worth anything!"
"Didn't Sir Mark beat you last year in Brussels, my dear?" Elizabeth calmly remarked.
"Need you remind me, mother?"
Elizabeth sips her tea quietly. She felt sorry for the poor boy. He had his heart set on this girl, yet she avoided his advances. He once purposed marriage to her, but she turned him down.
Elizabeth knew the stories behind Diane's hesitation. She knew the girl was not ready to settle down nor chose a mate, much to the dismay of her parents. Her father had presented every prince within a week's riding distance to meet with her dismissal. Her poor mother was ailing and they both wanted security for Diane before she expired.
Unfortunately no one had asked Diane's opinion on the matter. She had other ideas!
"I should challenge that Peter to a match," her son declared. "Maybe when I beat the boasting out of him I'll gain some respect."
Elizabeth inclined her head in agreement knowing he would do it regardless of her desires.
Henry strolled out into the courtyard and headed for the stables. James, the stable master, was polishing the carriage tack as he approached. "James, saddle Soup immediately. I am on my way to Burwick with a challenge."
"Yes sir," replied James, dropping the tack and retrieving the gelding.
A few minutes later James watches as Henry turned Soup down the lane towards Burwick.
'That boy was in for another beating over that silly girl once again,' thought James.
Next week we'll discover the terms of the challenge and whether it was worth Henry's trouble to go against Peter of Burwick!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Motherhood advice from one who knows!
Motherhood 101: The First Year
The summer of babies is upon us.
I thought I’d start compiling a list – for me to revisit and read when I’m in sleep-deprived psychosis, flying off the handle at every little thing, weeping over the dirt on my floor, and telling the cat that I’m going to sell him because he’s such an obnoxious freak of nature.
And for the other new moms out there who are at this very moment yelling at their pets and spouses, wondering if they will ever feel normal again.
I’ll start with the very practical.
1. Don’t be quiet when the baby is sleeping. Do not tiptoe or whisper or do anything equally stupid. Train that little bug to sleep through ANYTHING. Live your life at normal volume – vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, open and close doors. Just keep living.
2. Don’t “save” the cute clothes. They grow so fast. Put them in your favorite outfit as often as you can – because before you know it you’ll be an weepy mess, sniffling as you put it in the attic, regretting every time you “saved it” and went with something that was “okay to get dirty.”
3. When your brand new little one starts crying in the grocery store (or in church, or at a funeral), don’t worry. It’s not nearly as loud as you think. You will be so worried about being “that mom” with the screaming kid that you’ll get stressed and sweaty over what sounds like, to everyone else, an innocent, raspy little newborn cry. Wait ’til they’re 2. Then they are as loud as you think.
4. It is much easier to take the whole mattress out of the crib to put new sheets on it – then just plop it back in. You’ll break a sweat, pull six muscles, and curse trying to cram your hands between the mattress and the crib slats.
5. Your body has done a nearly impossible thing – give it some grace. It might not ever look like it did when you were 19 (a moment of silence, please), but it grew, accomodated, nurtured, and birthed another human being. Anatomically, it’s staggering and nothing short of miraculous. So rest assured, soft is beautiful. Motherhood is beautiful. Your body stepped up to the plate and did the most important thing when it mattered. Give your body some grace. (And with some hard work and a year or so’s time, you can get back to a slightly softer version of normal – new normal.)
6. A long time ago, I was visiting with my Grandma Harness and we were watching my cousin Daniel. He was just a tiny infant at the time and throwing quite a fit. After patiently changing him, feeding him, swaddling him, burping him, and singing to him, he was still in a tizzy. Grandma laid him lovingly in his bouncer, looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so adorable?” I looked at screamy, red-faced Daniel and just laughed nervously, to which Grandma replied,
7. I overheard my mother encouraging a tired new mom, and I never forgot, “Don’t waste a minute worrying about whether or not you’re ‘doing it wrong.’ You can’t. However you hold him is “how mom holds him.” Your baby knows your method of doing things. You cannot change him wrong or soothe him wrong. The ultimate comfort is mommy – and you’re it.”
8. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that motherhood is easy, that infants are easy. That is BULL. HOCKEY. There will be moms of elementary school kids, perpetually irritated moms of apathetic teenagers, and sweet elderly ladies that will coo over your baby and say things like, “I remember when mine were that little.” “Enjoy it while it lasts.” “I wish I could go back.”
It is all very sweet – but they only say it because they’ve forgotten what it feels like to sleep in 40-minute-intervals for 6 months. Women who look at two-year-olds and sigh dreamily have TOTALLY forgotten what it’s like to live with a two-year-old 24 hours a day.
There are mommy bloggers out there who write enthusiastic, chipper posts about cloth diapering and the magic of breastfeeding, and they are all liars – at least liars by omission. Breastfeeding is magical, but it ain’t for sissies. It hurts like the dickens for a while, it’s exhausting, it’s enormously inconvenient. You will hear people say that babies are blessings, a heritage from the Lord. While this is absolutely true, don’t for ONE SECOND think that you’re a terrible person for wanting to set your “blessing” out on the front porch for the night because he just. won’t. stop. crying. Don’t let the glowing mothers psych you out. Know that they, too, are just trying to put their best foot forward. They’re trying to encourage you – give you some perspective and some hope. But let’s be straight for two seconds: Motherhood is the most precious, wonderful thing I’ve done with my life to date. It’s also the hardest.
9. Advocate for your baby. Just like before you were a mom, you will be obligated to attend work, school, church, and social functions. You will have people counting on you to be somewhere, like a wedding or a funeral or some other once-in-a-lifetime thing. And there WILL BE times when these expectations clash with the needs of your baby. Trying to find an achievable balance feels treacherous, and like a lose-lose situation. You either disappoint people you care about, miss out on special occasions, risk being misunderstood and possibly whispered about – or you suffer the agony of knowing you didn’t do what was best for your baby.
I remember the tightrope feeling well, as Madeline was born just before Christmas. Relatives whom we wouldn’t see again for a full year “needed” to hold her. I “needed” to be at a variety of church, community, and family functions. I remember Madeline being passed around the room from one adoring person to the next – and when she started to cry, each person would take a turn trying to comfort her. I only got a turn when Madeline was SO worked up and miserable that she’d become totally inconsoleable – then it was time to pass her to mom. I remember sitting in a back bedroom with my hot, over-stimulated newborn, nursing her and whispering to her that I was so, so sorry. That it wasn’t fair – that it was simply too much and I didn’t speak up for her. I’ve been bummed about missing the occasional wedding or party, but that’s the kind of thing you bounce back from pretty quickly – c’est la vie. I’ve deeply regretted it, on the other hand, every time I didn’t advocate for my baby.
I’m not saying be a shrew and hole yourself up in your house until your kid is 6 – but you’ll know when it’s too much. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re about to die. You will know when being home in your baby’s safe, familiar place is more important than anything else going on that day. Your baby cannot speak up for herself – so you must advocate for her. It’s okay to look all the expectations and obligations, disappointment and disapproval in the face and say, “No. We need to go home now.”
10. And finally, rest assured that every other mother’s house has been as dirty as yours is, probably worse. I’ve recited the last stanza of a poem called “Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton to myself a thousand times. It calms down my racing mind long enough to make me sit still – and be fully present for my daughter.
And that’s all I got. Except for pray a lot and take all the help you can get.
Veteran moms, what would you add? New moms in the trenches of 1st year, what have I forgotten?
I thought I’d start compiling a list – for me to revisit and read when I’m in sleep-deprived psychosis, flying off the handle at every little thing, weeping over the dirt on my floor, and telling the cat that I’m going to sell him because he’s such an obnoxious freak of nature.
And for the other new moms out there who are at this very moment yelling at their pets and spouses, wondering if they will ever feel normal again.
I’ll start with the very practical.
1. Don’t be quiet when the baby is sleeping. Do not tiptoe or whisper or do anything equally stupid. Train that little bug to sleep through ANYTHING. Live your life at normal volume – vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, open and close doors. Just keep living.
2. Don’t “save” the cute clothes. They grow so fast. Put them in your favorite outfit as often as you can – because before you know it you’ll be an weepy mess, sniffling as you put it in the attic, regretting every time you “saved it” and went with something that was “okay to get dirty.”
3. When your brand new little one starts crying in the grocery store (or in church, or at a funeral), don’t worry. It’s not nearly as loud as you think. You will be so worried about being “that mom” with the screaming kid that you’ll get stressed and sweaty over what sounds like, to everyone else, an innocent, raspy little newborn cry. Wait ’til they’re 2. Then they are as loud as you think.
4. It is much easier to take the whole mattress out of the crib to put new sheets on it – then just plop it back in. You’ll break a sweat, pull six muscles, and curse trying to cram your hands between the mattress and the crib slats.
5. Your body has done a nearly impossible thing – give it some grace. It might not ever look like it did when you were 19 (a moment of silence, please), but it grew, accomodated, nurtured, and birthed another human being. Anatomically, it’s staggering and nothing short of miraculous. So rest assured, soft is beautiful. Motherhood is beautiful. Your body stepped up to the plate and did the most important thing when it mattered. Give your body some grace. (And with some hard work and a year or so’s time, you can get back to a slightly softer version of normal – new normal.)
6. A long time ago, I was visiting with my Grandma Harness and we were watching my cousin Daniel. He was just a tiny infant at the time and throwing quite a fit. After patiently changing him, feeding him, swaddling him, burping him, and singing to him, he was still in a tizzy. Grandma laid him lovingly in his bouncer, looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so adorable?” I looked at screamy, red-faced Daniel and just laughed nervously, to which Grandma replied,
“You know, Kate, sometimes babies just cry.”This from a nurse, and a woman who raised five healthy, happy, successful children (incidentally baby Daniel was my aunt’s fifth child, too). My gentle Grandma’s words helped me so many times to look at Madeline affectionately instead of desperately, lovingly instead of angrily.
7. I overheard my mother encouraging a tired new mom, and I never forgot, “Don’t waste a minute worrying about whether or not you’re ‘doing it wrong.’ You can’t. However you hold him is “how mom holds him.” Your baby knows your method of doing things. You cannot change him wrong or soothe him wrong. The ultimate comfort is mommy – and you’re it.”
8. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that motherhood is easy, that infants are easy. That is BULL. HOCKEY. There will be moms of elementary school kids, perpetually irritated moms of apathetic teenagers, and sweet elderly ladies that will coo over your baby and say things like, “I remember when mine were that little.” “Enjoy it while it lasts.” “I wish I could go back.”
It is all very sweet – but they only say it because they’ve forgotten what it feels like to sleep in 40-minute-intervals for 6 months. Women who look at two-year-olds and sigh dreamily have TOTALLY forgotten what it’s like to live with a two-year-old 24 hours a day.
There are mommy bloggers out there who write enthusiastic, chipper posts about cloth diapering and the magic of breastfeeding, and they are all liars – at least liars by omission. Breastfeeding is magical, but it ain’t for sissies. It hurts like the dickens for a while, it’s exhausting, it’s enormously inconvenient. You will hear people say that babies are blessings, a heritage from the Lord. While this is absolutely true, don’t for ONE SECOND think that you’re a terrible person for wanting to set your “blessing” out on the front porch for the night because he just. won’t. stop. crying. Don’t let the glowing mothers psych you out. Know that they, too, are just trying to put their best foot forward. They’re trying to encourage you – give you some perspective and some hope. But let’s be straight for two seconds: Motherhood is the most precious, wonderful thing I’ve done with my life to date. It’s also the hardest.
9. Advocate for your baby. Just like before you were a mom, you will be obligated to attend work, school, church, and social functions. You will have people counting on you to be somewhere, like a wedding or a funeral or some other once-in-a-lifetime thing. And there WILL BE times when these expectations clash with the needs of your baby. Trying to find an achievable balance feels treacherous, and like a lose-lose situation. You either disappoint people you care about, miss out on special occasions, risk being misunderstood and possibly whispered about – or you suffer the agony of knowing you didn’t do what was best for your baby.
I remember the tightrope feeling well, as Madeline was born just before Christmas. Relatives whom we wouldn’t see again for a full year “needed” to hold her. I “needed” to be at a variety of church, community, and family functions. I remember Madeline being passed around the room from one adoring person to the next – and when she started to cry, each person would take a turn trying to comfort her. I only got a turn when Madeline was SO worked up and miserable that she’d become totally inconsoleable – then it was time to pass her to mom. I remember sitting in a back bedroom with my hot, over-stimulated newborn, nursing her and whispering to her that I was so, so sorry. That it wasn’t fair – that it was simply too much and I didn’t speak up for her. I’ve been bummed about missing the occasional wedding or party, but that’s the kind of thing you bounce back from pretty quickly – c’est la vie. I’ve deeply regretted it, on the other hand, every time I didn’t advocate for my baby.
I’m not saying be a shrew and hole yourself up in your house until your kid is 6 – but you’ll know when it’s too much. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re about to die. You will know when being home in your baby’s safe, familiar place is more important than anything else going on that day. Your baby cannot speak up for herself – so you must advocate for her. It’s okay to look all the expectations and obligations, disappointment and disapproval in the face and say, “No. We need to go home now.”
10. And finally, rest assured that every other mother’s house has been as dirty as yours is, probably worse. I’ve recited the last stanza of a poem called “Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton to myself a thousand times. It calms down my racing mind long enough to make me sit still – and be fully present for my daughter.
…The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
For children grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
And that’s all I got. Except for pray a lot and take all the help you can get.
Veteran moms, what would you add? New moms in the trenches of 1st year, what have I forgotten?
found at: Motherhood 101: The First Year | Kate Conner
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
First look
So, tomorrow I get to chalk up another year on the calendar. Someone somewhere once said that the day and year you turn the same age as your birthday will turn out to be a special and powerful time for you. I'm wondering if this could possibly be true. I know tomorrow I have little plans outside of getting out of bed, taking care of my little girl, try not to kill the dog, and maybe some laundry.
However, this year is already full of different milestones. I've made the change from being the working woman that is taking classes part-time to finish her degree, to being a full-time stay at home mom. I never realized how few hours are complied in a day and how much a mom can actually have to do! The lists are so very long and the hours are so very short. On top of that I am still trying to finish school (graduate in November!) and working on my Etsy shop in the hopes of having some sort of career when the little one needs me less.
So here is to what is hopefully an interesting and full year!
However, this year is already full of different milestones. I've made the change from being the working woman that is taking classes part-time to finish her degree, to being a full-time stay at home mom. I never realized how few hours are complied in a day and how much a mom can actually have to do! The lists are so very long and the hours are so very short. On top of that I am still trying to finish school (graduate in November!) and working on my Etsy shop in the hopes of having some sort of career when the little one needs me less.
So here is to what is hopefully an interesting and full year!
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