So, its been a very, very busy past few months! Shows and artwork exploration is cropping up everywhere. Literally, my head is spinning! Of course I also know it probably won't stop spinning until after Christmas...and it is only going to get worse between now and then!
On top of that I have been tossing in some rich English and literature experiences through my newest classes. Right now we are working on the Victorian Era in British history and boy, is that interesting! This was the time when women started realizing and speaking up about their place in society. This is when they started demanding things to change, and when changes started to slowly happen. Without these women and their voices, I know I would not be doing the amazing things I am today. Interesting how history truly does reflect in the daily actions we all undertake.
Oh and between the rain showers (I literally felt like building an ark) we've been trying to enjoy our summer together. Camping trips (yes in the rain sometimes), beach visits, playgrounds, the fair, etc. all trying to pull me into the wonderful experiences of having a family and a little girl that loves the great outdoors. I even had the wonderful experience of going to a horse show in Syracuse with that little girl only to find out she might be as horse crazy as I am! Oh happy days here!
Aside from all this busyness, I have been doing a lot of art exploration lately. Resources from all different directions have opened my mind to so many opportunities. Some of those resources I want to share with you. I feel as though my blog has been left alone for long enough, plus I need a bit of accountability. So, within the week I am going to select one of these resources I have discovered (like the Oil Painting with Light or the Energizing your Paintings with Color books) and go through the book with you. It is my plan to do at least one of the painting exercises per week and I will post the process and findings here.
So lets learn together! Lets make great artwork together by studying those that have gone before us. I might also throw in some critiques on different artwork I've discovered along the way! It is my hope that maybe we can all learn how to better understand and better communicate through our art. So stay tuned! Now, just to pick a starting point.....
Showing posts with label mommy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy. Show all posts
Friday, July 12, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Summer time is near...and so are the pests!
70 degree weather for over a week now, and here come the pests! If you have a little one (like me) its important to keep them safe as they are running through the yard. I can not vouch that these plants will work, but I know I am going to plant some around the deck to see if it helps keep the bees, wasps, ticks, and mosquitoes away. I'll let you know how well it works!
Marigold
- Red varieties of marigold are an option for keeping bees away. Marigolds are a common bedding plant that blooms throughout the summer. This pungent-smelling annual appears in numerous forms including simple daisy or pom pom shapes on short and bushy or tall and willowy stems. A hardy plant, marigolds perform well in many climates, although they require frequent watering during hot summer months. Mulch helps marigolds retain moisture. Plant marigold beds as borders around pools that repel bees.
Geranium
- Geranium is a colorful perennial. Look for it in red hues for best results in repelling bees. Its oil is often used as mosquito repellent, either alone or as an ingredient in another type of bug spray. Its flower petals are single or double, and rounded and fuzzy, and grow on dark-green, basal leaves. Geraniums grow between 1 to 2-1/2 inches tall. They require moist, well-draining soil and full sun to thrive. Plant them in clusters around areas to deter bees, such as kiddie pool areas or sandboxes.
Additional Herb Repellents
- Additional herbs that serve as insect repellents and may help keep wasps and bees from your yard include basil, mint and pennyroyal. Basil has green, medium-sized, oval-shaped leaves running down its green stems, while mint has darker green, purple or blue leaves in opposite pairs down the stems. Mint also repels ants while basil is repels flies and mosquitoes. Pennyroyal features rounded, bushy, purple flowers and small oval-shaped leaves running down brown stems. It deters wasps, chiggers, mosquitoes, fleas and ticks.
Read more: Plants & Flowers That Keep Wasps & Bees Away | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/info_8734517_plants-keep-wasps-bees-away.html#ixzz2SLZnex
Monday, May 7, 2012
To Mom:
With Mother's Day around the corner, I am forced to reflect on both of my experiences with motherhood; being a daughter and a mom. I definately never understood my mother more than I did after having my daughter. I never understood why she said and did the things she did. Now I know it was and is because she loves me.
I realize now how much stress she really went through. The stress of watching out for me. Hoping I don't get into trouble or get hurt. Knowing that some of that she could not prevent and praying that she could at least be there to help kiss my boo boos. Stressing over my education and wanting the very best for me. Knowing that she might not be able to give me everything I want and how it tortured her to tell me "no" sometimes. When I moved away and out of her immediate reach I can only imagine how much that scared her. Being the daughter I couldn't understand why she wanted me close to home. Being a mother, I get it.
Just like I tortured my mother sometimes, I can see my daughter doing the same thing. A specific instance this afternoon actually reminds me of how as a daughter the perspective is different. My daughter requires drops in her eyes to help her body fight off the conjunctivitis (aka pink eye) that is very persistant in her eyes. At 8 months old she doesn't understand nor can I communicate to her the importance of these drops. 4 times a day I battle with her to get these drops in her eye. Her perspective is that I am doing something unpleasant to her and she pushes me away as much as she can when she sees that little bottle. As her mother I know the importance of what is going on and the necessity of this unpleasant experience. I know she needs these drops to help clear up her eyes and prevent more infection. I know that I am doing this because I love her and want her to get better. Being a mom, I now get it.
How many times did I go through something unpleasant because it was what was necessary and because mom loved me and wanted me to get better? I'm finding that moms are often one of our best examples of God's love. The love is unconditional and bears many many things. Sometimes we must go through unpleasant experiences not fully understanding why. But mom and God love us enough to help us do what is necessary, even though it is unpleasant.
At the end of the day I never remember all the little battles with my little one. I only remember the smiles, giggles, and laughter. How she looks as she is sleeping and the excited look she gets when she has found something interesting (cat, shoe, block, my phone, anything!). Watching her learn and grow literally before my eyes is one of the best experiences of my life. Being a mom, I now get it.
Thanks mom for everything. Thanks for being the awesome person you are and setting the bar high. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you and your endless patience, love, and perserverance. Love you mom!!!
I realize now how much stress she really went through. The stress of watching out for me. Hoping I don't get into trouble or get hurt. Knowing that some of that she could not prevent and praying that she could at least be there to help kiss my boo boos. Stressing over my education and wanting the very best for me. Knowing that she might not be able to give me everything I want and how it tortured her to tell me "no" sometimes. When I moved away and out of her immediate reach I can only imagine how much that scared her. Being the daughter I couldn't understand why she wanted me close to home. Being a mother, I get it.
Just like I tortured my mother sometimes, I can see my daughter doing the same thing. A specific instance this afternoon actually reminds me of how as a daughter the perspective is different. My daughter requires drops in her eyes to help her body fight off the conjunctivitis (aka pink eye) that is very persistant in her eyes. At 8 months old she doesn't understand nor can I communicate to her the importance of these drops. 4 times a day I battle with her to get these drops in her eye. Her perspective is that I am doing something unpleasant to her and she pushes me away as much as she can when she sees that little bottle. As her mother I know the importance of what is going on and the necessity of this unpleasant experience. I know she needs these drops to help clear up her eyes and prevent more infection. I know that I am doing this because I love her and want her to get better. Being a mom, I now get it.
How many times did I go through something unpleasant because it was what was necessary and because mom loved me and wanted me to get better? I'm finding that moms are often one of our best examples of God's love. The love is unconditional and bears many many things. Sometimes we must go through unpleasant experiences not fully understanding why. But mom and God love us enough to help us do what is necessary, even though it is unpleasant.
At the end of the day I never remember all the little battles with my little one. I only remember the smiles, giggles, and laughter. How she looks as she is sleeping and the excited look she gets when she has found something interesting (cat, shoe, block, my phone, anything!). Watching her learn and grow literally before my eyes is one of the best experiences of my life. Being a mom, I now get it.
Thanks mom for everything. Thanks for being the awesome person you are and setting the bar high. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you and your endless patience, love, and perserverance. Love you mom!!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Mommy moment
Today, I'm having a mommy nostalgic moment. Everyone tells you that babies grow up fast, but they fail to express how fast! My daughter hit the 8 month old mark over the weekend and I'm floored at how quickly that time flew. She can do so much and has changed into this little person with a unique personality!
Sitting up, crawling, feeding herself, and saying dada. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home. I know we have many many more milestones ahead of us and I look forward to each and every one.
I once read a story about a mom that cried at each step of growth her little one made because it was one step away from her. Yet, I don't think this view is actually correct. My daughter is making steps towards her own independence, but this just means that I will become wanted not just necessary. My presence in her life is slowly becoming less 'necessary' and more desired. She won't 'need' me to be here, but chose to and want to have me in her life.
It's a balm of solstice to know that as my daughter grows, so does my relationship with her. Even if she chooses to omit me from parts of her life, I know that our relationship will be like no other relationship either of us will be in.
Sitting up, crawling, feeding herself, and saying dada. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home. I know we have many many more milestones ahead of us and I look forward to each and every one.
I once read a story about a mom that cried at each step of growth her little one made because it was one step away from her. Yet, I don't think this view is actually correct. My daughter is making steps towards her own independence, but this just means that I will become wanted not just necessary. My presence in her life is slowly becoming less 'necessary' and more desired. She won't 'need' me to be here, but chose to and want to have me in her life.
It's a balm of solstice to know that as my daughter grows, so does my relationship with her. Even if she chooses to omit me from parts of her life, I know that our relationship will be like no other relationship either of us will be in.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Mother's intuition
If you would have asked me about moms possessing a sixth sense before I became one, I would have laughed in disbelief. In fact, I often wondered why my own mother used to yell at us for things that could have or might have happened. I remember racing across the street with my little brother, chasing a ball. Mom was so mad and scared we got yelled at a lot that day! Yet in my mind we had adverted any danger since we ran around any cars. She used to tell us about the danger she could see us getting ourselves into. I never understood it much, until I brought my little girl into the world.
Now.... I'm seriously not crazy. I just believe in the possibility of mother's intuition. It is like having a sense of foreknowledge about events that could occur from the situation in front of me. I can 'see' things happening that could harm my daughter. It is an interesting and new feeling. I can 'see' her knocking a jar of baby food onto the floor before she reaches for it. If I ignore the feeling, I'll have a baby food-covered baby! Those are the minor gut urgings. The major ones tell me about the wood sticks she could put in her mouth, the car seat she could pull down on herself, and the cords she could wrap around her neck. It is as if my danger radar is on super high to help me prevent any situations that could endanger her.
Now I understand why my own mother used to appear paranoid! She was using her own radar to prevent us from getting hurt.
I thought maybe I was making this up and I was just being over cautious; but after doing a little reading, I discovered that mothers actually do become more tuned into what their babies need, especially protection. This intuition is built into our hard drives. One mother said she could tell when her son was going to have a seizure, even though he had only had two in his lifetime. She actually predicted the third one a year and half later! Hopefully my intuition will not be needed for situations like that, but I will believe it if necessary.
On top of this intuition is the invisible cord that seems to still connect us. Though I am in the other room while she is sleeping, I feel as though part of myself is still "listening" for her. Who knew being a mother was going to be such an interesting and eye-opening experience! This little life has changed everything. I've reconnected and now see the world in a new and glorious way.
Cheers to you moms (and dads) out there that know what I mean. Enjoy those changes and relish the new way you see the world....though a child's eyes!
Now.... I'm seriously not crazy. I just believe in the possibility of mother's intuition. It is like having a sense of foreknowledge about events that could occur from the situation in front of me. I can 'see' things happening that could harm my daughter. It is an interesting and new feeling. I can 'see' her knocking a jar of baby food onto the floor before she reaches for it. If I ignore the feeling, I'll have a baby food-covered baby! Those are the minor gut urgings. The major ones tell me about the wood sticks she could put in her mouth, the car seat she could pull down on herself, and the cords she could wrap around her neck. It is as if my danger radar is on super high to help me prevent any situations that could endanger her.
Now I understand why my own mother used to appear paranoid! She was using her own radar to prevent us from getting hurt.
I thought maybe I was making this up and I was just being over cautious; but after doing a little reading, I discovered that mothers actually do become more tuned into what their babies need, especially protection. This intuition is built into our hard drives. One mother said she could tell when her son was going to have a seizure, even though he had only had two in his lifetime. She actually predicted the third one a year and half later! Hopefully my intuition will not be needed for situations like that, but I will believe it if necessary.
On top of this intuition is the invisible cord that seems to still connect us. Though I am in the other room while she is sleeping, I feel as though part of myself is still "listening" for her. Who knew being a mother was going to be such an interesting and eye-opening experience! This little life has changed everything. I've reconnected and now see the world in a new and glorious way.
Cheers to you moms (and dads) out there that know what I mean. Enjoy those changes and relish the new way you see the world....though a child's eyes!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Stay-at-home moms, the hardest job ever!
I never aspired to be a stay at home mom. I never thought much about daycare or the cost of working vs the benefits of staying at home. I just never thought that being a stay at home mom was something I was going to do. Along came Serenity to change all of that!
My 6 week maternity leave came to an end and I went back to work like I always thought I would. Not being happy with the job I was doing at the time (nor was it much help to us), I thought why not go for something else? Lets see what I can do now since I'm not pregnant and waiting for the bundle to arrive. I started running numbers and thinking about what I was going to do with my little bundle of joy while I was out working. Daycare? Grandma's? How much was I going to have to work to offset the costs? I quickly realized that I was going to be making some changes that I never thought possible. Financially staying at home with the little one was actually going to be a plus. Also I really did not want to have my daughter spending more time with someone else than she does with mommy and daddy (who works out of town a lot).
So I now find myself in the interesting job of staying at home with my little one. A blessing and curse all in one!
Okay, so more a blessing than a curse....especially now that I found some of these tips to help me keep my sanity (which has slowly been fading) and create a happier atmosphere for all of us.
Helpful Tips for the stay at home moms (and dads too):
1. Get organized.
Thank goodness I am typically organized, but from what I'm understanding I need to be even more so. Schedules help keep everything working smoothly and scheduling time to clean, be alone, etc. help a mom keep on track. Schedules should be flexible enough to accommodate the special occasions, but also be durable enough to stick to. Many moms found it easier to schedule by the hour and others by the day. We've already got an hourly schedule, need to work on a weekly schedule to keep this house somewhat clean!
2. Stay organized.
Make your schedules and stick to them as best you can. Obviously things are going to get in the way from time to time, but it is best to get back on track. Being self-motivated it is easier to stay motivated if you have a schedule you can follow.
3. Get out of the house.
Many moms found it best to get out of the house at least once or twice a week. Others needed the break once a day. Taking a trip to the grocery store, going for a walk, playgroups, library visits, etc. give us the break we need. It is important to change your surroundings. Plus it forces you to take a shower and get dressed in something besides pajama pants and a tee-shirt. We've already got this down, though having more fruitful ventures might be in the works.
4. Share the Load.
Just because you are staying at home does not mean that everything household related is your responsibility. Share the load with your partner or even your older kids (if you have them). This I've finally got the grasp of, though it did take a while to unburden myself of those few drops of responsibility I share. I'm not the only one that can wield a spatula or dishcloth!!
5. Don't forget about you!
You have to take time out for yourself. Read a book, enjoy a bubble bath, just spend some alone time enjoying something you love. This is crucial for your overall happiness and health and therefore directly relates to the happiness and health of your family. Thus indulge in you from time to time and make that time a bit more frequent than you already do. This is something I still struggle with at times. After bedtime is the best time for me!
6. Pick your battles
Be a bit selective of what is important to battle about and what is not. Set your priorities and stick to them. Eating applesauce for the 3rd day in a row for lunch is not going to hurt. Playing in the toilet, on the other hand, is gross. Don't worry about the little things that really don't matter in the long run. Give yourself a break and let things slide from time to time. This is a challenge for me, but I'm slowly learning!
7. Cleaning vs playtime
Many moms suggest cleaning on a schedule and making priorities for cleaning tasks. Suggestions were ensuring that one room a day gets cleaned or ensuring that one room stays clean throughout the week (like the kitchen). Laundry can be washed at night and dried in the morning. Block out time for cleaning and leave the rest of the day for playtime. Playtime is important for development, so make sure you spend time with them too. I'm working on this. Think this is where a good schedule could come in handy!
8. Outlet
You need an outlet to help cope with the daily successes, struggles, frustrations, and joys. Joining a moms group, friends, family, online groups, etc. can provide mom with an outlet of understanding and encouragement that will contribute to the overall health of your family. It is important to have others around to keep all those frustrations at bay and to help you celebrate the successes! I'm in the development process of this tip. Unfortunately I still vent on the husband more than he is capable of handling!
9. Check your guilt
Again don't stress about the small stuff. Learn to accept your limitations. Don't feel guilty because you can not do everything. Do the best that you can. That is all anyone is asking for, nothing more. Therefore leave your guilty feelings at the door. This is probably one of the hardest things to do since I believe all moms are hardwired to feel guilty about something!
10. Have Fun!
The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy your family. Your children will only be at this age for so long. Enjoy them now in each stage they are in for tomorrow it will change.
I hope these tips help some of the stay at home moms out there enjoy their job a bit more. I know I will be implementing a few more of these at home to create a much more enjoyable atmosphere!
My 6 week maternity leave came to an end and I went back to work like I always thought I would. Not being happy with the job I was doing at the time (nor was it much help to us), I thought why not go for something else? Lets see what I can do now since I'm not pregnant and waiting for the bundle to arrive. I started running numbers and thinking about what I was going to do with my little bundle of joy while I was out working. Daycare? Grandma's? How much was I going to have to work to offset the costs? I quickly realized that I was going to be making some changes that I never thought possible. Financially staying at home with the little one was actually going to be a plus. Also I really did not want to have my daughter spending more time with someone else than she does with mommy and daddy (who works out of town a lot).
So I now find myself in the interesting job of staying at home with my little one. A blessing and curse all in one!
Okay, so more a blessing than a curse....especially now that I found some of these tips to help me keep my sanity (which has slowly been fading) and create a happier atmosphere for all of us.
Helpful Tips for the stay at home moms (and dads too):
1. Get organized.
Thank goodness I am typically organized, but from what I'm understanding I need to be even more so. Schedules help keep everything working smoothly and scheduling time to clean, be alone, etc. help a mom keep on track. Schedules should be flexible enough to accommodate the special occasions, but also be durable enough to stick to. Many moms found it easier to schedule by the hour and others by the day. We've already got an hourly schedule, need to work on a weekly schedule to keep this house somewhat clean!
2. Stay organized.
Make your schedules and stick to them as best you can. Obviously things are going to get in the way from time to time, but it is best to get back on track. Being self-motivated it is easier to stay motivated if you have a schedule you can follow.
3. Get out of the house.
Many moms found it best to get out of the house at least once or twice a week. Others needed the break once a day. Taking a trip to the grocery store, going for a walk, playgroups, library visits, etc. give us the break we need. It is important to change your surroundings. Plus it forces you to take a shower and get dressed in something besides pajama pants and a tee-shirt. We've already got this down, though having more fruitful ventures might be in the works.
4. Share the Load.
Just because you are staying at home does not mean that everything household related is your responsibility. Share the load with your partner or even your older kids (if you have them). This I've finally got the grasp of, though it did take a while to unburden myself of those few drops of responsibility I share. I'm not the only one that can wield a spatula or dishcloth!!
5. Don't forget about you!
You have to take time out for yourself. Read a book, enjoy a bubble bath, just spend some alone time enjoying something you love. This is crucial for your overall happiness and health and therefore directly relates to the happiness and health of your family. Thus indulge in you from time to time and make that time a bit more frequent than you already do. This is something I still struggle with at times. After bedtime is the best time for me!
6. Pick your battles
Be a bit selective of what is important to battle about and what is not. Set your priorities and stick to them. Eating applesauce for the 3rd day in a row for lunch is not going to hurt. Playing in the toilet, on the other hand, is gross. Don't worry about the little things that really don't matter in the long run. Give yourself a break and let things slide from time to time. This is a challenge for me, but I'm slowly learning!
7. Cleaning vs playtime
Many moms suggest cleaning on a schedule and making priorities for cleaning tasks. Suggestions were ensuring that one room a day gets cleaned or ensuring that one room stays clean throughout the week (like the kitchen). Laundry can be washed at night and dried in the morning. Block out time for cleaning and leave the rest of the day for playtime. Playtime is important for development, so make sure you spend time with them too. I'm working on this. Think this is where a good schedule could come in handy!
8. Outlet
You need an outlet to help cope with the daily successes, struggles, frustrations, and joys. Joining a moms group, friends, family, online groups, etc. can provide mom with an outlet of understanding and encouragement that will contribute to the overall health of your family. It is important to have others around to keep all those frustrations at bay and to help you celebrate the successes! I'm in the development process of this tip. Unfortunately I still vent on the husband more than he is capable of handling!
9. Check your guilt
Again don't stress about the small stuff. Learn to accept your limitations. Don't feel guilty because you can not do everything. Do the best that you can. That is all anyone is asking for, nothing more. Therefore leave your guilty feelings at the door. This is probably one of the hardest things to do since I believe all moms are hardwired to feel guilty about something!
10. Have Fun!
The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy your family. Your children will only be at this age for so long. Enjoy them now in each stage they are in for tomorrow it will change.
I hope these tips help some of the stay at home moms out there enjoy their job a bit more. I know I will be implementing a few more of these at home to create a much more enjoyable atmosphere!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Breastmilk, formula, or else?
When I was pregnant, just like many pregnant women, I was asked about whether I would consider breastfeeding. At first this was something I had thought very little about. Yes, I support the women that chose to do so, but had really never thought about doing so myself. Every time someone mentioned breastfeeding all I could think about was having this little person attached to me in a manner in which I was not sure I could be comfortable with. Did I want to give my daughter the best I could? Did that mean breastfeeding or would formula and bottles be the best because of my comfort level? These were questions I now had to ask myself.
Now, whether you chose to breastfeed or formula feed, there are serious considerations that you must think about. Breastfeeding has become the newest trend in newborn care (well a reoccurring trend) and the benefits are truly worth it. As a mother you can lose weight quicker. Your body bounces back from labor in a much more natural way due to the hormones and reactions caused during breastfeeding. The child gains numerous benefits from the milk because human milk is designed to feed human babies. Many mothers also find that breastfeeding is convenient for them and their little ones.
However, don't believe the myths that breastfeeding is easy, painless, and always convenient. Breastfeeding is sometimes discouraging when you find you can not keep up with your baby's demands. Its not painless. The pain lessens over time, but the initial period of sometimes 6 weeks to 3 months can in fact be really painful. That is just the typical pain that should be expected, not to mention if you end up with a plugged duct or mastitis. As for convenience, I think that relies on your definition of convenient. It also relies on the manner in which you chose to feed.
I personally have not nursed, but I am breastfeeding. I chose to exclusively pump breast milk and feed this to my daughter in a bottle. This statement right here separates me from both the bottle feeders and the breast feeders. Once I made this decision, I found myself on a very lonely road. Yet, I personally found this to be the most beneficial to me and my family because I had what I see as the best of both worlds.
I can eat what I want without it affecting my child's next feeding, all I have to do is pump and dump. Growth spurts do not require me and baby to have marathon nursing sessions, instead I can have Dad help feed her too. I have the convenience of being my baby's personal vending machine when we are out, but without all the stares and glares from the passer-bys. But there are drawbacks too.
Pain is one drawback. 5 months into this and I finally found a comfortable level of pumping. For the first 5 months engorgement, plugged ducts, mastitis, and just plain soreness were frequent companions. Another drawback is the equipment needed. I have bottles, nipples, milk bags, pumping apparatus, etc. to clean and carry. Finally the biggest drawback is the isolation of being an exclusive pumper by choice.
Many many times I was discouraged and told to change my mind. The breastfeeding community put extensive pressure on me to nurse. My doctor, lactation consultant, and pretty much anyone I approached for advice told me to try and get my daughter to latch on. I had to get mean a few times and stand my ground. That is NOT what I wanted. On the other hand, many suggested I switch to formula and forget the hassle of pumping 6+ times a day. Almost everyone but my daughter's pediatrician attempted to discourage me from the course I set. I contribute my continued efforts at providing the best for my child to my stubbornness and my devotion to my daughter.
I know many will not read this through entirely. I know that once my position was stated doors were closed since I've chosen a position that many do not agree with. Yet I wanted to let those few that have chosen, like me, to exclusively pump, that you are not alone. Others are out there. I've met a few here and there. If you are choosing to do something that benefits your child, then you are not doing anything wrong. Stand tall and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Don't let others discourage you for doing what is right for you and your family. If you choose to nurse, pump, or formula feed, you are choosing to feed your child. NOTHING is wrong with that choice.
Moms, I salute you for a job well done.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Motherhood advice from one who knows!
Motherhood 101: The First Year
The summer of babies is upon us.
I thought I’d start compiling a list – for me to revisit and read when I’m in sleep-deprived psychosis, flying off the handle at every little thing, weeping over the dirt on my floor, and telling the cat that I’m going to sell him because he’s such an obnoxious freak of nature.
And for the other new moms out there who are at this very moment yelling at their pets and spouses, wondering if they will ever feel normal again.
I’ll start with the very practical.
1. Don’t be quiet when the baby is sleeping. Do not tiptoe or whisper or do anything equally stupid. Train that little bug to sleep through ANYTHING. Live your life at normal volume – vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, open and close doors. Just keep living.
2. Don’t “save” the cute clothes. They grow so fast. Put them in your favorite outfit as often as you can – because before you know it you’ll be an weepy mess, sniffling as you put it in the attic, regretting every time you “saved it” and went with something that was “okay to get dirty.”
3. When your brand new little one starts crying in the grocery store (or in church, or at a funeral), don’t worry. It’s not nearly as loud as you think. You will be so worried about being “that mom” with the screaming kid that you’ll get stressed and sweaty over what sounds like, to everyone else, an innocent, raspy little newborn cry. Wait ’til they’re 2. Then they are as loud as you think.
4. It is much easier to take the whole mattress out of the crib to put new sheets on it – then just plop it back in. You’ll break a sweat, pull six muscles, and curse trying to cram your hands between the mattress and the crib slats.
5. Your body has done a nearly impossible thing – give it some grace. It might not ever look like it did when you were 19 (a moment of silence, please), but it grew, accomodated, nurtured, and birthed another human being. Anatomically, it’s staggering and nothing short of miraculous. So rest assured, soft is beautiful. Motherhood is beautiful. Your body stepped up to the plate and did the most important thing when it mattered. Give your body some grace. (And with some hard work and a year or so’s time, you can get back to a slightly softer version of normal – new normal.)
6. A long time ago, I was visiting with my Grandma Harness and we were watching my cousin Daniel. He was just a tiny infant at the time and throwing quite a fit. After patiently changing him, feeding him, swaddling him, burping him, and singing to him, he was still in a tizzy. Grandma laid him lovingly in his bouncer, looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so adorable?” I looked at screamy, red-faced Daniel and just laughed nervously, to which Grandma replied,
7. I overheard my mother encouraging a tired new mom, and I never forgot, “Don’t waste a minute worrying about whether or not you’re ‘doing it wrong.’ You can’t. However you hold him is “how mom holds him.” Your baby knows your method of doing things. You cannot change him wrong or soothe him wrong. The ultimate comfort is mommy – and you’re it.”
8. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that motherhood is easy, that infants are easy. That is BULL. HOCKEY. There will be moms of elementary school kids, perpetually irritated moms of apathetic teenagers, and sweet elderly ladies that will coo over your baby and say things like, “I remember when mine were that little.” “Enjoy it while it lasts.” “I wish I could go back.”
It is all very sweet – but they only say it because they’ve forgotten what it feels like to sleep in 40-minute-intervals for 6 months. Women who look at two-year-olds and sigh dreamily have TOTALLY forgotten what it’s like to live with a two-year-old 24 hours a day.
There are mommy bloggers out there who write enthusiastic, chipper posts about cloth diapering and the magic of breastfeeding, and they are all liars – at least liars by omission. Breastfeeding is magical, but it ain’t for sissies. It hurts like the dickens for a while, it’s exhausting, it’s enormously inconvenient. You will hear people say that babies are blessings, a heritage from the Lord. While this is absolutely true, don’t for ONE SECOND think that you’re a terrible person for wanting to set your “blessing” out on the front porch for the night because he just. won’t. stop. crying. Don’t let the glowing mothers psych you out. Know that they, too, are just trying to put their best foot forward. They’re trying to encourage you – give you some perspective and some hope. But let’s be straight for two seconds: Motherhood is the most precious, wonderful thing I’ve done with my life to date. It’s also the hardest.
9. Advocate for your baby. Just like before you were a mom, you will be obligated to attend work, school, church, and social functions. You will have people counting on you to be somewhere, like a wedding or a funeral or some other once-in-a-lifetime thing. And there WILL BE times when these expectations clash with the needs of your baby. Trying to find an achievable balance feels treacherous, and like a lose-lose situation. You either disappoint people you care about, miss out on special occasions, risk being misunderstood and possibly whispered about – or you suffer the agony of knowing you didn’t do what was best for your baby.
I remember the tightrope feeling well, as Madeline was born just before Christmas. Relatives whom we wouldn’t see again for a full year “needed” to hold her. I “needed” to be at a variety of church, community, and family functions. I remember Madeline being passed around the room from one adoring person to the next – and when she started to cry, each person would take a turn trying to comfort her. I only got a turn when Madeline was SO worked up and miserable that she’d become totally inconsoleable – then it was time to pass her to mom. I remember sitting in a back bedroom with my hot, over-stimulated newborn, nursing her and whispering to her that I was so, so sorry. That it wasn’t fair – that it was simply too much and I didn’t speak up for her. I’ve been bummed about missing the occasional wedding or party, but that’s the kind of thing you bounce back from pretty quickly – c’est la vie. I’ve deeply regretted it, on the other hand, every time I didn’t advocate for my baby.
I’m not saying be a shrew and hole yourself up in your house until your kid is 6 – but you’ll know when it’s too much. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re about to die. You will know when being home in your baby’s safe, familiar place is more important than anything else going on that day. Your baby cannot speak up for herself – so you must advocate for her. It’s okay to look all the expectations and obligations, disappointment and disapproval in the face and say, “No. We need to go home now.”
10. And finally, rest assured that every other mother’s house has been as dirty as yours is, probably worse. I’ve recited the last stanza of a poem called “Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton to myself a thousand times. It calms down my racing mind long enough to make me sit still – and be fully present for my daughter.
And that’s all I got. Except for pray a lot and take all the help you can get.
Veteran moms, what would you add? New moms in the trenches of 1st year, what have I forgotten?
I thought I’d start compiling a list – for me to revisit and read when I’m in sleep-deprived psychosis, flying off the handle at every little thing, weeping over the dirt on my floor, and telling the cat that I’m going to sell him because he’s such an obnoxious freak of nature.
And for the other new moms out there who are at this very moment yelling at their pets and spouses, wondering if they will ever feel normal again.
I’ll start with the very practical.
1. Don’t be quiet when the baby is sleeping. Do not tiptoe or whisper or do anything equally stupid. Train that little bug to sleep through ANYTHING. Live your life at normal volume – vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, open and close doors. Just keep living.
2. Don’t “save” the cute clothes. They grow so fast. Put them in your favorite outfit as often as you can – because before you know it you’ll be an weepy mess, sniffling as you put it in the attic, regretting every time you “saved it” and went with something that was “okay to get dirty.”
3. When your brand new little one starts crying in the grocery store (or in church, or at a funeral), don’t worry. It’s not nearly as loud as you think. You will be so worried about being “that mom” with the screaming kid that you’ll get stressed and sweaty over what sounds like, to everyone else, an innocent, raspy little newborn cry. Wait ’til they’re 2. Then they are as loud as you think.
4. It is much easier to take the whole mattress out of the crib to put new sheets on it – then just plop it back in. You’ll break a sweat, pull six muscles, and curse trying to cram your hands between the mattress and the crib slats.
5. Your body has done a nearly impossible thing – give it some grace. It might not ever look like it did when you were 19 (a moment of silence, please), but it grew, accomodated, nurtured, and birthed another human being. Anatomically, it’s staggering and nothing short of miraculous. So rest assured, soft is beautiful. Motherhood is beautiful. Your body stepped up to the plate and did the most important thing when it mattered. Give your body some grace. (And with some hard work and a year or so’s time, you can get back to a slightly softer version of normal – new normal.)
6. A long time ago, I was visiting with my Grandma Harness and we were watching my cousin Daniel. He was just a tiny infant at the time and throwing quite a fit. After patiently changing him, feeding him, swaddling him, burping him, and singing to him, he was still in a tizzy. Grandma laid him lovingly in his bouncer, looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so adorable?” I looked at screamy, red-faced Daniel and just laughed nervously, to which Grandma replied,
“You know, Kate, sometimes babies just cry.”This from a nurse, and a woman who raised five healthy, happy, successful children (incidentally baby Daniel was my aunt’s fifth child, too). My gentle Grandma’s words helped me so many times to look at Madeline affectionately instead of desperately, lovingly instead of angrily.
7. I overheard my mother encouraging a tired new mom, and I never forgot, “Don’t waste a minute worrying about whether or not you’re ‘doing it wrong.’ You can’t. However you hold him is “how mom holds him.” Your baby knows your method of doing things. You cannot change him wrong or soothe him wrong. The ultimate comfort is mommy – and you’re it.”
8. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that motherhood is easy, that infants are easy. That is BULL. HOCKEY. There will be moms of elementary school kids, perpetually irritated moms of apathetic teenagers, and sweet elderly ladies that will coo over your baby and say things like, “I remember when mine were that little.” “Enjoy it while it lasts.” “I wish I could go back.”
It is all very sweet – but they only say it because they’ve forgotten what it feels like to sleep in 40-minute-intervals for 6 months. Women who look at two-year-olds and sigh dreamily have TOTALLY forgotten what it’s like to live with a two-year-old 24 hours a day.
There are mommy bloggers out there who write enthusiastic, chipper posts about cloth diapering and the magic of breastfeeding, and they are all liars – at least liars by omission. Breastfeeding is magical, but it ain’t for sissies. It hurts like the dickens for a while, it’s exhausting, it’s enormously inconvenient. You will hear people say that babies are blessings, a heritage from the Lord. While this is absolutely true, don’t for ONE SECOND think that you’re a terrible person for wanting to set your “blessing” out on the front porch for the night because he just. won’t. stop. crying. Don’t let the glowing mothers psych you out. Know that they, too, are just trying to put their best foot forward. They’re trying to encourage you – give you some perspective and some hope. But let’s be straight for two seconds: Motherhood is the most precious, wonderful thing I’ve done with my life to date. It’s also the hardest.
9. Advocate for your baby. Just like before you were a mom, you will be obligated to attend work, school, church, and social functions. You will have people counting on you to be somewhere, like a wedding or a funeral or some other once-in-a-lifetime thing. And there WILL BE times when these expectations clash with the needs of your baby. Trying to find an achievable balance feels treacherous, and like a lose-lose situation. You either disappoint people you care about, miss out on special occasions, risk being misunderstood and possibly whispered about – or you suffer the agony of knowing you didn’t do what was best for your baby.
I remember the tightrope feeling well, as Madeline was born just before Christmas. Relatives whom we wouldn’t see again for a full year “needed” to hold her. I “needed” to be at a variety of church, community, and family functions. I remember Madeline being passed around the room from one adoring person to the next – and when she started to cry, each person would take a turn trying to comfort her. I only got a turn when Madeline was SO worked up and miserable that she’d become totally inconsoleable – then it was time to pass her to mom. I remember sitting in a back bedroom with my hot, over-stimulated newborn, nursing her and whispering to her that I was so, so sorry. That it wasn’t fair – that it was simply too much and I didn’t speak up for her. I’ve been bummed about missing the occasional wedding or party, but that’s the kind of thing you bounce back from pretty quickly – c’est la vie. I’ve deeply regretted it, on the other hand, every time I didn’t advocate for my baby.
I’m not saying be a shrew and hole yourself up in your house until your kid is 6 – but you’ll know when it’s too much. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re about to die. You will know when being home in your baby’s safe, familiar place is more important than anything else going on that day. Your baby cannot speak up for herself – so you must advocate for her. It’s okay to look all the expectations and obligations, disappointment and disapproval in the face and say, “No. We need to go home now.”
10. And finally, rest assured that every other mother’s house has been as dirty as yours is, probably worse. I’ve recited the last stanza of a poem called “Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton to myself a thousand times. It calms down my racing mind long enough to make me sit still – and be fully present for my daughter.
…The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
For children grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
And that’s all I got. Except for pray a lot and take all the help you can get.
Veteran moms, what would you add? New moms in the trenches of 1st year, what have I forgotten?
found at: Motherhood 101: The First Year | Kate Conner
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